It’s OK To Not Love Being Pregnant

I remember before I was pregnant, I was obsessed with these perfect Instagram mamas who documented their beautiful pregnancies from start to finish. I was 100% sure this would be me. When I finally fell pregnant with one that stuck, I would document my journey. I would be like them. I saved posts that inspired me and had me looking forward to pregnancy and motherhood…or so I thought. But it turns out there was a slight problem. I ended up HATING being pregnant.

Not liking being pregnant has NOTHING to do with wanting to have a baby. There is a lot of guilt felt when admitting you’re miserable during your pregnancy. It’s supposed to be such an amazing, magical time. You’re supposed to be thankful and appreciative of the fact you’re carrying the gift of life inside you. You can be all of those things and still miserable about being pregnant. It doesn’t mean you will be a bad mum, promise!

I won’t lie, to me, my pregnancy was horrific. I know there are a lot of mothers out there who experience pregnancies a lot worse than mine, but for me, I really wasn’t a fan. With the exceptions of a few moments like seeing her on the ultrasounds for the first time, feeling her kick for the first time, hearing her heartbeat etc.

Here are a few reasons why i wasn’t a huge fan of being pregnant:

1. Swelling:

Who doesn’t love retaining water?  started to swell very early on. I went to Disneyland Pairs at 9 weeks and I was swollen. Everywhere. It never went away and progressively got worse. I had cankles that were as thick as my thighs and at one point, I was so swollen that I had rolls around my neck! Imagine being so swollen that your neck doubles in size?

2. Nausea:

I had morning sickness for the majority of my pregnancy. I was diagnosed with HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) which is extremely bad morning sickness. The inability to keep anything down, not even water resulting in being tired, weak and I ended up in hospital several times on a drip. When I finally received the right combo of anti-sickness drugs that worked for my body, I was able to eat but the feeling of nausea never left me.

3. Bleeding:

Around 20 or so week’s I managed to tear my placenta. I was rushed to the hospital thinking the worst thoughts. The bleeding stopped, I was checked over and told off for over doing it. From that day on I was put on light duties at work for the risk of further damage. That fear of thinking you’re loosing your baby is something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. Ever.

4. Crying:

Blame the pregnancy hormones if you will, but I cried over anything and everything. It was ridiculous. The tiniest thing would set me off, films, blog posts, youtube videos, dropping something on the floor and not being able to pick it back up, or not being able to put on your own socks Yup. That happened! I cried at everything!

5. SPD aka Symphysis pubis Dysfunction:

This, THIS is what made me miserable the most. You can read all about my SPD journey here. It was this that made me hate being pregnant. Basically, what started as a little lower back pain, ended up in my pelvis basically splitting in two. I couldn’t move without some form of excruciating pain. Getting in and out of the car. Nope. Turning over in bed. Nope. Getting in any sort of comfortable position. Nope. Walking. Nope.

I ended up leaving work a month earlier than I wanted, and I also ended up on bed rest with a beautiful pair of crutches because I couldn’t walk. It got so bad, that a week before Molly arrived, I was on the phone to my midwife, sobbing and literally begging for a c-section because I couldn’t do it anymore. My Dr wouldn’t prescribe me anything other than paracetamol and I couldn’t take the pain anymore. Classy moment right there.

6. The fear:

If you have had a baby after a miscarriage, you will understand when I say your rainbow pregnancy is riddled with a fear like no other. This may be TMI, but every time you pee, you wipe and check for blood. You question every pain and every twinge. You look up every single symptom. You’re constantly on edge because you dont want to do anything that could harm the baby or jeopardise the pregnancy in any way. The anxiety is horrific.

Because of the above, I found it so hard to enjoy my pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong. I will forever be eternally grateful at the fact that I can fall pregnant at all. I count my blessings every single day that I got my rainbow baby. But I also envy the shit out of mum’s who had a ‘smooth pregnancy’ and were able to enjoy it

This won’t stop me from having more children though. People have told me I’m crazy for wanting more after the pregnancy I had with Molly.

She was worth it all. Every pain, every twinge, every stretch mark .

So will the others!

What was your pregnancy like? Did you suffer with any of the same things or did you love your pregnancy?